I have a problem with weekends and going out. I ignore my limits and get incredibly drunk. This wouldn't be completely awful if I didn't insult people and basically go psycho b*tch every time I consume too much alcohol. Most people say things they are really thinking when they drink. To some extent, that's the case with me. However, a lot of the time I'll just say incredibly mean stuff that I don't actually believe. I told one of my best friends that she is ugly and a bunch of other stuff, some of which I actually thought but shouldn't have said, and some of which I don't actually believe (she's not ugly!!). My "friends" have stopped telling me about parties because they don't want to have to deal with me. See, my thing is, I just want to go out. I don't want people to "take care of me" and when they do, it pisses me off. I don't like being told what to do, so when people tell me to stop, I tell them off and go get more just to "show them". I'm not a happy drunk. I cry, hit, and verbally abuse others. I make a complete idiot of myself. I still want to go out, though. I just now don't have any friends to go with, and I want to be able to control myself better. I just think it's too late. If I could redo my entire first year of college, I would. It was basically a series of bad decisions. It's really just too bad it had to happen like this.