Hey, Fishies.







I'm twenty years old, and for a year and a half I lived seven hours from home while attending university. After a relapse, I left school and came home. I took a few courses at a community college this semester, and due to finances and my ED, I will be living at home and commuting to another college for the remaining years of school. I live with my mother and younger brother. My mother has an ED (but is partially recovered), and my brother certainly has his issues. I know it's difficult for anyone to come back home after going away to college, but my family really triggers me and is hindering my recovery.







Today I came home from work around five thirty in a good mood as I work for a veterinarian, and I LOVE it. I walked in and went to the kitchen to get my snack and meds. I am on antibiotics twice a day for Lyme and just started Prozac once a day too, and I have to eat with all three times I take meds during the day. It's a struggle for me to eat more than I would like to be eating, but I'm doing it because I have to. However, today as I took out the juice to take my antibiotics, my mom and my brother were sitting at the table loudly making a calorie chart. My brother's health class discussed daily intake today, and he was making an elaborate chart with calories and fat grams and remarking how the number suggested for him to eat was "certainly too much." He's very thin as he is a growing adolescent young man, and he's triggering without opening his mouth! After the calorie chart thing, I self-harmed, and then took my meds and my snack like a good girl. Honestly, I cannot live with this bullshit. I am sick of hearing food and calorie talk every single day. I am trying to recover from my ED and work on self-harm urges, and they are making it hard. Ughh.







Financially, I can't afford to move out on my own, but that is my hope eventually. My dad has asked me to live with him, but my mother freaks out if I even spend an evening with him. She is convinced I love my father "more" than her, and gets bent out of shape if I tell him something first. I don't have the energy to fight with her, so I'm not going to live with my dad. I really want to rescue a puppy, because I think it would help with ED behavior and self-harm, but my mother says no. I can accept that I can't have a dog under her roof, but I have a harder time accepting living in an environment like this for an indefinite period of time. I love my family, but I am able to care for myself better without being subjected to their triggering food behavior and talk.







Anyone have similar issues? How do you keep it from getting to you??