JoblessTeen | Enjoying Teenagerhood: A teen life blog!

**JimSauce** · 14-11-2010, 11:08 PM

Hey Goteeners, I'd like to share my blog with you all called JoblessTeen. It's sort of a humorous help blog for teenage situations. If you watch Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide (Love that show!

haha), then it will remind you of this blog. It's also similar to Sparklife. Anyway, I posted a popular post below and if you like it, feel free to check out JoblessTeen!

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How to Survive a Lockdown

Look out! A crazy drugged-up killer has escaped from the local prison and he wants to wreak havoc on the nearest high school, which happens to be yours! The principal announces a Code Red, says that a mass-murderer maniac is on the loose, and everyone loses their minds.

Before you jump out that second-story window, take a look at these basic Dos and Don'ts of school lockdown situations.

Do...

...plan ahead. Chances are you'll be in your current location for a while, so assess the situation. Are you hungry? Then find the nearest vending machine ASAP! Is your bladder full? Then run to the nearest urinal/toilet/bottle now! And if you're in a class with a creeper (see this picture for a perfect example), get outta there!

...trust your instincts. If your spidey-senses tell you that the killer is about to blow up your classroom, don't stay put! Look for safety, and take your graphing calculator with you because that thing is ridiculously expensive!

...maintain common sense. If you are wandering outside and you happen to see a tall, scary figure wearing a black hoodie with a bloody machete in one hand and your Biology teacher's decapitated head in the other...Yeah, turn the other way and run for your life. Definitely don't "investigate" to see who this mysterious individual might be.

...stay with your friends. Wandering off alone is like wearing a giant sign that says "HEY LOOK AT ME, I'M A FRESH HIGH-SCHOOLER READY TO BE KIDNAPPED AND GUTTED IN THE BACK OF YOUR BLACK VAN!" I mean, the point of a lockdown is to lock you down. You shouldn't be walking through the hallways alone in the first place.

Don't...

...panic. When the principal calls a code red, don't go absolutely nuts and try to run home. If your school is beside the street, a bus will run you over. If it's near train tracks, a train will hit you. If it's near the mall, a shark will jump out of nowhere and eat you. Bottom line, keep your cool.

...call your mum to come pick you up. Think about it. In horror movies, who is more likely to kick the bucket: the calm dude who stays put in a protected room with his friends, or the paranoid guy who isolates himself by running outside to "escape" from the psychotic mass-murderer? Believe it or not, staying away from the loose killer is the #1 way to survive.

...be a hero. Although movies like to show the physically attractive, good-looking hero survive, this is the complete opposite in reality. First of all, hot people don't want to risk their faces to save anyone. They prefer to star in movies and pretend to save people. Second, have you seen the guy who tried to stop a train from flying off the broken tracks into a lake--with his bare hands? That's right, you haven't. Anyway, don't try to take on the killer unless you're Cambodian. The Green Goblin wouldn't approve, and he'd throw a bus full of children off a bridge to prove that heroes always lose.

...die from boredom. Being bored in a lame lockdown location is more dangerous than whatever bank robber/killer/prostitute is on the loose. If you happen to be stuck in the cafeteria, lucky you! Perfect opportunity to start a large-scale food fight--all you need is a milk carton and a table to hide under. Or, get your friend to fight someone that everyone hates.

But most importantly, have fun! Seriously, I value a bit of excitement over personal wellbeing. Don't be afraid to run around school banging pots on the walls if that's what gets you riled up. I do realize that this suggestion contradicts everything I just said, but hey, I'm not certified to be logical.

Enjoy your next lockdown, and more importantly, survive it!

That's one post, but you can check out others like The 5 Types of Teachers, What to Do When Your Parents Won't Let You Go Out, and How to Make Your Next Homecoming a Blast on my blog!

Cheers!