I can't find the stregnth to leave him.

I have been going out with this guy for three years. This guys name is Enrique, Ricky for short. We met at church four years ago and were friends for a whole year before he asked me out. He is older than me by four years.

I was fourteen when we started going out. He was always the type that treated me like a princess and did everything he could for me. So as Christians we always chose to abstain and wait for marriage before engaging in sexual activity. In the beginning of April he started talking about having sex, asking me if I would do it. I told him that I was waiting for marriage and he said ok. Later on in the week he kept on about sex and asking if it would be alright if we had sex. I told him that I would possibly consider it but that it wouldn't be likely.

So in the beginning of June we were at this party that he made me go to and I drank only soda. But maybe twenty minutes after I had my first drink, I started to get dizzy and feel like my motor skills were failing me. Ricky noticed this and took me to a room upstairs and I started to fall asleep as he pulled my shirt over my head, by the time my shoes were off I was asleep. I woke up maybe a half hour later to this weird motion and when my vision seemed to clear he was on top of me completely nude. I could feel him all over me but it was dull like I could feel him inside me but it didn't feel like anything. I remember crying and trying to scream but barely any sound came out from me.

When I woke up it was the next day and he was sleeping right next to me. His face looked so innocent but I felt so dirty and used and yet I still loved him. It hurt to look at him and I broke down in the bathroom. I didn't want anyone to know so I turned on the shower and cried as quietly as I could. When he woke up and saw me he had this look of horror on his face, I didn't want him to look at me. But he scooped me up anyway and started crying begging for my forgiveness.


Why do I still love him? What is wrong with me? I feel so worthless and all I can do now is cling to him. I don't know why I can still cling to him when he is the one who did this to me. I am not strong enough to leave him, what if he is the onyl person who will ever want me after this...

Hi, thank you for writing. This happend because we are weak and we get easily caught by our wishes and passions. This probably should not happend, but it happend and it canot be changed. You are talking that you are afraid that no one or no man would want you after this happend and this is perfectly ok to think. We all would think the same, but truth is and im totally convinced about it, that it all depends on what you would like to become now, in every moment which will happen. What you would like to do with yourself. If you would like to make yourself usefull and when possible thinking how to help others (maybe just by saying good words to them) you become usefull and you will be cleaned. It ALL depends on how you look on yourself. When you are making positive deeds in Your life (no matter how big they are) you will get clean and ALL people, whill definatelly LOVE YOU, including your existing or future boyfriend and husband even he knows what hhappend. It really does not matter. Remember that what matters is WHO YOU WOULD like to become NOW. And as a christian you know we are not alone on this place called Earth. :smilie_g_008:

Do not blame yourself, in no way should you feel dirty, or like you would never find better. What happened is NOT your fault, but i can tell you from personal experience... a guy who would take your virginity against your wishes, and then act all innocent; it is not a good sign. Love means respect, loyalty, and passion. I'm sorry but for this guy to do this, i hate to say he obviously cannot love you. You sound like a wonderful girl, the fact that you have a strong relationship with God is great... i can't tell you what choices to make, or why you love him. But God knows what is best, i would pray to him about the situation and just try to accept it happened. But please remember, if he loved/loves you, he would've respected your wishes... i understand that he was probalby tempted and everyone makes mistakes, but what he did is just low, everyone has some self control. Just pray, and i wish you the best. It's really hard to move on from someone you do love, and you have trusted... but sometimes it's for the best.

As a guy I think that I would never judge a girl on what some f%#ktard did to her.
He's wrong. Leave him. Anything is better than what he did.