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Banned
sad but true
Today is the day I'll step out
With my head held up high.
It'll be hard to face a world of judgment
But all I can do is try.
Today I want to learn to love myself
And be comfortable in my skin.
I'm going to try to accept myself
Although there's pressure to be thin.
So I calmly take a step outside
And then another few.
But then I'm hit with a comment
That hurts because it's true.
She tells me, '"You are pretty,
But you'd be beautiful if you lost weight."
I try to think of a response
But she leaves and it's too late.
I start to feel defeated
And my confidence falls away.
But I try to reassure myself
That I am still ok.
I try not to let her remark
Have an effect on my self esteem
And when I arrive at my job
I make a coffee with cream.
My boss gives me a disappointed glance
And asks, "Have you tried South Beach ?"
When I tell her I'm not interested
She starts giving me a speech.
"Men don't want heavy girls,
I know a diet you should start.
Don't you know that you're of age
And you should look the part?"
If only she knew the truth
About the bulimia I had for years.
Even though I'm doing better now
My metabolism has not repaired.
And why is that size XXXXX
Are only what's accepted?
Why is it that a slightly heavy girl
Continuously gets rejected?
I want to tell my boss how hard it is
To leave my house each day.
And all about my crippling self hatred
That caused me to waste away.
I want to explain how it's so hard
Because recovery is still a fight.
There's a voice inside me always yelling,
"You pig! Do not eat that bite."
But I try to quiet the voice inside me
And tell myself that I deserve this meal.
Because I want a healthy life
Where weight has no control of what I feel.
I want to tell her that it’s remarks like those
That cause me pain and doubt.
I know exactly what I’m eating
And don’t need her to point it out.
It’s comments like those that cause me fear
Of leaving the security of my home.
Because once I get out and face the world
I’m left there on my own.
Am I the one that’s really sick
Or is it the world’s distorted perception,
Where beauty and acceptance is defined by thinness
And everyone else feels rejection?
I thought beauty comes from the heart
But many people disagree
So all I can do right now
Is keep on trying to accept me.
(any ideas for a real title?)
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