Today is the day I'll step out



With my head held up high.



It'll be hard to face a world of judgment



But all I can do is try.



Today I want to learn to love myself



And be comfortable in my skin.



I'm going to try to accept myself



Although there's pressure to be thin.



So I calmly take a step outside



And then another few.



But then I'm hit with a comment



That hurts because it's true.



She tells me, '"You are pretty,



But you'd be beautiful if you lost weight."



I try to think of a response



But she leaves and it's too late.



I start to feel defeated



And my confidence falls away.



But I try to reassure myself



That I am still ok.



I try not to let her remark



Have an effect on my self esteem



And when I arrive at my job



I make a coffee with cream.



My boss gives me a disappointed glance



And asks, "Have you tried South Beach ?"



When I tell her I'm not interested



She starts giving me a speech.



"Men don't want heavy girls,



I know a diet you should start.



Don't you know that you're of age



And you should look the part?"



If only she knew the truth



About the bulimia I had for years.



Even though I'm doing better now



My metabolism has not repaired.



And why is that size XXXXX



Are only what's accepted?



Why is it that a slightly heavy girl



Continuously gets rejected?



I want to tell my boss how hard it is



To leave my house each day.



And all about my crippling self hatred



That caused me to waste away.



I want to explain how it's so hard



Because recovery is still a fight.



There's a voice inside me always yelling,



"You pig! Do not eat that bite."



But I try to quiet the voice inside me



And tell myself that I deserve this meal.



Because I want a healthy life



Where weight has no control of what I feel.



I want to tell her that it’s remarks like those



That cause me pain and doubt.



I know exactly what I’m eating



And don’t need her to point it out.



It’s comments like those that cause me fear



Of leaving the security of my home.



Because once I get out and face the world



I’m left there on my own.



Am I the one that’s really sick



Or is it the world’s distorted perception,



Where beauty and acceptance is defined by thinness



And everyone else feels rejection?



I thought beauty comes from the heart



But many people disagree



So all I can do right now



Is keep on trying to accept me.







(any ideas for a real title?)