Teen Sexuality

The search of self is a journey we all must take in life. Part of that journey is the determining of one's sexuality, a process all must undergo at some point or another. During the teenage years it is extremely common to find curiosity and experimentation in the way of sexual orientation as we struggle in our voyage towards finding our identity. This informational piece is here to provide you with facts, figures, and FAQs on the topic of sexual orientation to better help you in your own life.


Firstly, let's define some terms:

Sexual Identity/Orientation
Heterosexual- One who is physically and emotionally attracted to the opposite sex
Homosexual- One who is physically and emotionally attracted to members of their own sex
Bisexual- One who is physically and emotionally attracted to both sexes
Bi-curious- One who is physically attracted to the same sex but unsure of their orientation
GLBT (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgendered)- a term encompassing all nonheterosexual sexual orientations.
Pansexual- One who is physically and emotionally attracted to people regardless of gender or orientation
Omni sexual- One who is willing to participate in any sexual endeavor ("Omni meaning "all")
Queer- Literally, anything out of the ordinary; often used in reference to one who is homosexual (generally used at individual's discretion- there has been much debate over the term's political correctness but large amounts of homosexuals in the last few years have been in favor of it)
Questioning- One who is unsure as to his/her sexual orientation
Asexual- One who has no sexual drive/experiences no sexual desire (Not considered a sexuality by some, rather a lack of a sexuality)

Gender Identity/Role
Androgynous- Being neither distinguishably masculine nor feminine, as in dress, appearance, or behavior; having an ambiguous sexual identity (Hermaphrodite)
Transgender- A person who feels that the gender they were assigned at birth does not fit them (Often one who cross- dresses)
FTM/F2M/Trans-Man- A person who was born female but identifies as a male
MTF/M2F/Trans-Woman- A person who was born male but identifies as a female
Transsexual- A person who chooses to surgically change their gender because they feel that the gender they were assigned at birth does not fit them
Gender Non-conforming/Gender Queer- One who refuses to accepts society's label of male or female and presents themself as a gender-free individual
Intersex- A general term in reference to any person whose genitalia/sexual anatomy doesn't fit the typical qualifications of male or female
Two Spirit- An individual, usually indigenous or tribal, who usually believes they have 2 spirits in their body
Third Sex/Gender- An individual who considered themself neither male nor female; also used in cultures where a gender aside from male and female exists

Heterosexism- the belief that everyone is heterosexual
Homophobia- any negative belief, feeling or action directed against non-heterosexual persons or stimuli including gay, lesbian bisexual or transgendered individuals.
In the closet- the condition of a gay individual who poses as a heterosexual and is unwilling to publicly disclose his or her sexual orientation
Coming out-the recognition by the individual that he or she is gay and additionally when the individual informs others that he or she is gay.


Now that those are out of the way, let's talk about sexual orientation itself. What is it, exactly? Your orientation is a lasting physical and emotional attraction you feel towards people. There is not at all a clear cut line between orientations and each person must find their own for themselves; the above defined terms are merely guidelines and general terms, and by no means limit you to those exact specifications. No one can tell you what you can or cannot feel and you are not beholden to these labels, they are simply there to help us determine who we are. A note to keep in mind: sexual experimentation does NOT make you gay, just like smoking a cigarette doesn't make you a smoker and having one drink doesn't make you an alcoholic.


Orientation:Who you are
Behavior: What you do
Identity:Self-definition
Attribution: What others perceive


Question: What makes coming out so hard?

There are some people who find that coming out is quite easy for them. For most, though, it requires a great effort and a lot of bravery. Upon realization of their non-heterosexual orientation, GLBT teens often feel afraid, different, and alone, worrying if people will accept them even though they don't fit the accepted "norm." Even if you don't already know of the vast homophobic discrimination present in society today, knowing you are so drastically unlike others around you is enough to intimidate anyone initially. One very large factor in this is the uncertainty as to how your family and friends, the people you most care about, will react to the news.

Several theories about why certain people have certain orientations have been tossed around and mused upon, and most scientists agree that it is probably the result of environmental, cognitive, and biological factors. In other words, there's no definite proven reason for it. What we do know is that most people's orientation is revealed at an early age, before any sexual experiences, which also suggests that it is not something that is chosen but rather is something a person is born into. While it is up to us whether or not we act upon our feelings, most psychologists agree that it is not a conscious choice that can be changed by force. There are many theories about therapies that can change a person's sexual identity, but these are almost always found to be biased with poor documentation of treatment outcome, and thus have yet to be fully proven. Homosexuality has been proven to have no association with mental disorders or emotional or social problems, further emphasizing the point that it cannot be cured and does not need to be cured.

Of course, there is also the very controversial issue of religion to be addressed. There are innumerable Transformation Ministries (organizations that use religion to battle homosexuality) working to "heal" those who have found themselves to be non-heterosexual and will claim to the death that homosexuality is sinful and by all counts completely and totally wrong. However, there are just as many deeply religious people, congregations, and denominations who are very much pro-gay rights. Even if they don't encourage homosexuality, these organizations (primarily American, my apologies to my international friends) have passed the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, which bans discrimination based on orientation:

American Ethical Union, American Friends Service Committee, American Jewish Committee, American Jewish Congress, Church of the Brethren, Church Women United, Dignity/USA, Episcopal Church, Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, Hadassah, WZOA, The Interfaith Alliance, Jewish Women International, National Council of Churches of Christ, USA, National Council of Jewish Women, Presbyterian Church (USA), Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism, Unitarian Universalist Association, United Church of Christ, United Methodist Church, Women of Reform Judaism, Young Women's Christian Association

So as you can see, while there are many, many denominations who act with all their might against homosexuality, there are still those that support choice and love.


The biggest issue- how much does sexuality really impact the lives of teens? Here are the numbers:

One poll revealed that about 5%, or about ¾ million, of American high school students identify as GLBT. This would mean that at least one student in every classroom has a GLBT person in it, and the majority of the people in that same classroom know a different GLBT person, be it teacher, classmate, or family member. 88.2% of junior and senior high school students identified as heterosexual, 1.1% as bisexual or homosexual, and 10.7% were unsure. Uncertainty declined with age, from 25.9% of 12-year-old students to 5% of 17-year-old students. 20% of self-identified gay/bisexual male college students knew their sexuality in middle school and 17% knew in elementary school. 6% of self-identified gay/bisexual female college students knew their sexuality in middle school, and 11% knew in elementary school. 1/5 high school health teachers confirmed derogatory language in the classroom in reference to homosexuals, and 25% of high school counselors perceived a significant prejudice towards GLBT students. 41% of counselors and 33% of health teachers believed their schools were not doing enough to help homosexual adolescents. Of students aged 14-21, 23% of females and 25% of males said they were able to talk with their counselor about their orientation. Another poll showed that 4/5 GLBT students witness homophobic remarks in school- an average of 26 times a day. 39% of these reported personal verbal or physical attacks, often with a weapon. Transgender students reported 30% more than GLB students. Almost 1/3 of GLBT students admitted they skipped school within the last month simply because they were afraid to go. According to GLSEN's National School Climate Survey, students who did not know of or who lacked a school policy protecting them from harassment were almost 40% more likely to skip school than those who did; 36.5% of GLBT students whose school did not have a protection policy skipped school in the past month, while 26.6% who knew of a policy in their school skipped. A 2006 survey unfortunately showed that one out of four teens who comes out faces family rejection. An older survey showed that 30-40% of homeless youth are GLBT who usually had conflicts with their families’ moral and religious beliefs. Of the 75% of GLBT teens who came out first to friends, 46% lost one. Of the teens, less than 1/5 could identify someone who was very supportive of them.

In other words, sexuality impacts us A LOT.

Now, if you are a GLBT teen still in the closet, don't let the figures discourage you. Homosexuality is steadily becoming more and more accepted in general society and there are thousands of organizations worldwide dedicated to pro-gay rights. Even here one VT, the community is extremely supportive of all orientations as we believe everyone should be treated equally and with respect regardless of their choices in sexual orientation, or anything else for that matter. Just remember that you are not at all alone in your struggles- support is ready and waiting for you. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you have to change who you are in order to be a better person because you are perfect and beautiful as you are!

If you are NOT a GLBT teen, I hope that these statistics have opened your eyes somewhat to what life is like for those of our generation who are deemed "different" and "weird" by a large portion of our peers. Rethink before you drop a snide "That's SO gay" or "Wow, what a faggot" because there's almost definitely someone nearby who is hurt by your statement. And remember, just because you might happen to know someone who's GLBT doesn't give you the right to make fun of them, because discriminatory or derogatory comments can still offend others around you.



Some effects of homophobia on people who are not heterosexual include:

-Low self esteem
-Depression & Suicide
-Alcoholism
-Violence; physical, emotional, verbal
-Discrimination
-Loneliness, Isolation, Rejection & Exclusion
-Homelessness


Some effects of homophobia on everyone include:

-Rigid adherence to gender roles
-Identity confusion
-Anger
-Fear



According to the manual "Filling the Gaps: Hard to Teach Topics in Sexuality Education," these are the general stages of knowledge and understanding of sexual orientations/identities through grade school:

Elementary School
- Everyone is born a boy or a girl.
- Boys and girls grow up to be men and women.
- Human beings experience different kinds of loving.
- Most men and women are heterosexual, which means they will be attracted to and fall in love with someone of the other gender.
- Homosexuals are also known as gay men and lesbian women.

Upper Elementary School
- Sexual orientation refers to whether a person is heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual.
- A bisexual person is attracted to both men and women.
- Why a person has a particular sexual orientation is not now known.
- Homosexual, heterosexual, and bisexual people are alike except for their sexual attraction.
- Homosexual and bisexual people are often mistreated, called hurtful names, or denied their rights because of their sexual orientation.
- Some people are afraid to admit they are bisexual or homosexual because they fear they will be mistreated.
- Homosexual love relationships can be as fulfilling as heterosexual relationships.
- Gay men and lesbians can adopt children or have their own children.

Middle School/Junior High School
- Theories about what determines sexual orientation include genetics and prenatal influences, sociocultural influence, psychosocial factors, and a combination of all these factors.
- Homosexual couples behave sexually in many of the same ways as heterosexual couples.
- Many young people have brief sexual experiences (including fantasies and dreams) with the same gender, but they mainly feel attracted to the other gender.
- When a homosexual person accepts his/her sexual orientation, gains strength and pride as a gay or lesbian person, and tells others, it is known as "coming out."
- Talking about feelings about sexual orientation can be difficult.
- "Coming out" can be difficult because people fear negative reactions.
- Some people feel attracted to both men and women.
- Every culture and society has some people who are homosexual.
- People do not choose their sexual orientation.
- Sexual orientation cannot be changed by therapy or medicine.
- Understanding one's sexual orientation can be difficult.
- Gay men, lesbian women, and bisexuals can lead fulfillinglives.
- Gay men and lesbian women can establish lifelong committed relationships.
- Some religious groups oppose homosexuality.
- People's beliefs about homosexuality are based on their religious, cultural, and family values.

High School
- Sexual orientation is determined by a combination of a person's attractions, fantasies, and behavior.
- Gender identity is determined by a person's feelings of maleness or femaleness.
- The understanding and identification of one's sexual orientation may change during life.
- Some people who engage in same gender sexual behavior do not identify as bisexual, gay, or lesbian.
- Teenagers who have questions about their sexual or gender orientation should consult a trusted and knowledgeable adult.
- Family members, teachers, guidance counselors, physicians, religious leaders, and gay and lesbian community centers may offer support and resources for young people who have concerns about their sexual or gender orientation.
- The telephone number of the gay and lesbian center in this community is ________________.



STAGES OF IDENTITY

The following chart shows three possible "journeys," a, b, and c, to accepting yourself as GLBT. As always, this is just a general depiction and is not necessarily exactly the reactions you may have/have had. Sexual identity models are evolving, so if you don't "fit" in a model it doesn't mean your experience is abnormal. A GLBT person may move from one stage to another in a non-linear fashion depending on his/her situation.




Storm Scale



This is a very basic graph with very, very general labels. If you have a high heterosexual interest and low homosexual interest, you're generally categorized as heterosexual, and so on. Of course, you can get more specific within each quadrant but again, it is really very general.



Kinsey Scale



The Kinsey Scale is infamous in the study of sexual orientations as the concept behind it was groundbreaking and revolutionary. It provided the first clue that there is no definitive line between straight and gay, rather there are several more varying intervals between the two. The graph is pretty self explanatory, white representing heterosexual tendencies and tan representing homosexual tendencies, which obviously correspond to the numbers below.

0- Exclusively heterosexual with no homosexual
1- Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
2- Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3- Equally heterosexual and homosexual
4- Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5- Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
6- Exclusively homosexual

Riddle Scale:
1- Nurture
2- Appreciation
3- Admiration
4- Support
5- Acceptance
6- Tolerance
7- Pity
8- Repulsion

The Riddle Scale shows the levels of attitudes towards differences. Level 6, Tolerance, is the main goal of pro-gay rights groups. We obviously can't force people to agree with homosexuality and everyone is entitled to their opinion, however at the very least we want people of all sexual orientations and identities to be able to live together without hostility and judgment. And eventually, of course, we hope that Tolerance will grow into Acceptance which will blossom into Support and so on. All of us, however, need to keep an open mind towards all people, all beliefs, and all ways of life. If we do so, this attitude will almost definitely continue to spread.

1- Other sex/Heterosexual Only
2- Other sex/Heterosexual Mostly
3- Other sex/ Heterosexual Somewhat
4- Both
5- Same sex/ Homosexual Somewhat
6- Same sex/Homosexual Mostly
7- Same sex/Homosexual Only

A. Sexual Attraction
In this grid, you will be choosing three numbers, one for each of three aspects of your life: your past, your present, and your ideal. Beginning with your past (up to a year ago), ask yourself where you fit on this scale and select the number that best describes you. Write this number in the corresponding box marked "past" on the line for Variable A (Sexual Attraction) on the grid. Then select a number that describes your present sexual attraction using the preceding year as the time period you consider. For a number of people it is the same number; for others it is different. Write this number in the box marked "present" on the line for Variable A. Now ask yourself which number you would choose to be if it were a matter of choice or will. Remember there are no right or wrong numbers. When you finish writing this last number in the box marked Ideal for Variable A on the grid you should have completed the three boxes for Variable A.

B. Sexual Behavior
Here we look at actual behavior as opposed to sexual attraction. With whom do you have sex? Use the scale to rate yourself. As with the previous scale, choose a number for past, present, and ideal sexual behavior, then enter the numbers on the grid, this time under Variable B.

C. Sexual Fantasies
The third variable is sexual fantasy. Whether they occur during masturbation, while daydreaming, as part of our real lives or purely in our imaginations, fantasies provide insight. Rate yourself on the scale, then enter the numbers on the grid.

D. Emotional Preference
Our emotions directly influence, if not define, the actual physical act of love. Ask yourself if you love and like only the opposite sex or if you are also emotionally close to the same sex. Find out where you fit on the scale; rate yourself as with the other scales. Enter the numbers on the grid.

E. Social Preference
Though closely allied to emotional preference, social preference is often different. You may love only women but spend most of your social life with men. Some people, of all orientations, only socialize with their own sex, while others socialize with the opposite gender exclusively. Where are you on the scale?" Choose three numbers as you have on the other scales.

F. Self-Identification
Your sexual self-definition is a strong variable since self-image strongly affects our thoughts and actions. In several cases, a person's present and past self-identification differs markedly from their ideal. Choose three numbers on Scale 2 and fill in the numbers on the grid.

G. Heterosexual/Homosexual Lifestyle
Some heterosexuals only have sex with the opposite sex but prefer to spend the majority of their time with gay people. On the other hand, homosexual or bisexual persons may prefer to live exclusively in the gay world, the heterosexual world, or even to live in both worlds. Lifestyle is the seventh variable of sexual orientation. Where do you tend to spend time and with whom? Choose three numbers on Scale 2 as you have on the other scales and enter them on the grid.


I could go on forever about the psychology of sexual orientations, the struggles of the gay communites, and the different types of orientations people have. I honestly hope you learned from this sticky but when it comes down to it, all that really matters is that all of us needs to come to terms with who we are and accept ourselves as beautiful people. Call me cliche, but it's true. We are all individuals and that, my friends, is what makes humanity great.



Sources
Redirect Page
teachingsexualhealth.ca
GLSEN: Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network: Home
Primary System - Home
Gay Teens - Information for Gay Teens
The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction
Intersex Society of North America | A world free of shame, secrecy, and unwanted genital surgery
gay.com Gay Dating, Chat, Personals, News, Local Events, and Information.
http://www.newsforgays.com/