Follow us on Facebook Follow us on Twitter Watch us on YouTube
banner
Results 1 to 5 of 5
  1. #1
    Junior Member

    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Point Clark Ontario
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    127
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked: 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Country
    Canada

    Default Female Vasectomy; Am I being selfish?

    Okay, so let me start off by saying that I have never wanted to have my own kids; Never. Never have and I can confidently say that I never will without some sort of...idk...Miracle.
    Pregnancy and child birth and all the lasting side effects from them are just not worth it to me(Every single person I know irl has had permanent lasting side effects that I do not care to deal with) but I have always wanted to adopt from a foreign country.
    Now, my husband has always pictured himself having his own kids,he was never interested in adoption, basically the opposite of me.

    Well, I have decided that on my 24th birthday, I am having a tubal ligation surgery if I have not changed my mind by that point. My reason for this is that I was pregnant once, it was the most miserable time of my life, it took a toll on my relationship, it was a shitty situation and I didn't go through with it. I got pregnant using Birth control pills, Condoms AND spermicide, so obviously I have my doubts about other forms of protection and I do NOT want to get pregnant again.

    My husband and I talked about it and although disappointed, he has accepted my choice saying that as long as he's with me, he doesn't care about kids. He's willing to consider adoption if I'm completely sure I don't want my own.

    My question is, am I being selfish?
    I quite literally feel physically ill looking at pregnant women because I want so badly to never have to do it. I don't find it beautiful and all that crap, it looks like a deformity IMO, however I grin and congratulate women because I know they're usually excited and happy about it and Im happy for them, however just....blah. No thank you, not for me.
    I am in the healthcare field and have seen some of the lasting physical effects pregnancy and childbearing have on a woman's body, not to mention her sanity. It's not pretty. You hear about those crazy bitches who kill her kids while going through post partum depression, and I honestly feel like Id be one of those crazy bitches because I will already resent it for causing all the things I find absolutely awful about the hole thing.

    Am I supposed to just bite my tongue and go through it compromising my health,my body and my sanity simply to give my husband his own flesh and blood children or am I justified in getting this surgery? I feel bad, but at the same time, I feel like If I throw my feelings and wishes by the wayside, I'm going to resent not only my kid, but my husband as well.


    asdghkl;

  2. #2
    Silver Member

    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Egypt
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    7,037
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked: 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Country
    Egypt

    Default

    I have known many women that do not want to have kids and also scared to have kids. Some of them ended up getting pregnant, but all this was planned, not like what you went through first off, which i am sorry to hear you had to go through all that.
    When having your own child (Planned), it opens up a whole different world of thoughts, you would not know until the times comes on having the baby on what you would be feeling and your thought pattens that will change big time, mostly to good.
    However, i do not believe you need to have a baby just to please your partner, if you have any bad feeling against having a child and you feel somethings not right about having a child, then don't go ahead with it until you're a %100 sure about it. Which clearly you are not ready or may never be ready going by what you have stated above. Your mind may change in the future, but may not.
    Adoption is great, you and your partner are saving a child from having a bad upbringing. No child deserves to be put in some orphanage or go to foster house to foster house over and over.
    So you have talked to your partner, and he is fine with this but not real happy at the same time. But still happy to stay with you, that's great! Well, what can you do? nothing really, if that's the way you feel about having your own child, then that's that.
    Bad experiences can scar us for life, but at some point you need to let go of what happened when you got pregnant in the past. See how you both go after Adoption, you never know, he may forget about having his own child so soon. Because he and your self are going to be, to busy loving the child you have been blessed with. After that, see what happens in the future, people change, we all change in some ways, so i wouldn't go stressing over the fact you don't want to have your own new born. Long as you have each other and your partner has respected your decisions and reasons why, then don't feel guilty. Of course, it common to stress a little,, but don't be angry at your self or anything like that. We are who we are. I wish you and your partner the best, im sure things will turn out just fine
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  3. #3
    Junior Member

    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Point Clark Ontario
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    127
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked: 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Country
    Canada

    Default

    Thank you
    That makes me feel a lot better.


    I confided this in a friend as well and I think that was a mistake as she already has kids.
    She seemed to think that it was my duty to suck it up and have them simply because I can and thousands of other women can't.

    She quite literally said something along the lines of "Get pregnant, you never kno, things might change before it's born" -_-.

    And my question was, "and what if it doesn't? then I have to break my husband's heart by putting it up for adoption. Lovely."

  4. #4
    Gold Member

    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    10,505
    Thanks
    5
    Thanked: 2 Times in 2 Posts

    Country
    Australia

    Default

    i have wanted to adopt since i was a kid, but im with someone that is totally against it which sucks. im actually going to be a dad to my own kid. i really tried hard to talk about the adoption, but it seems it wasnt up for conversion at all. anyway, im kinda going to freaking out at the nappy changing stuff lol. i havent got a strong stomach for anything that smells if you know what i mean. friends tell me its going to be different with your own, well i guess in 4 months we'll find out lol.

    She seemed to think that it was my duty to suck it up and have them simply because I can and thousands of other women can't.
    oh god the guilt trip. ya must of hated having that conversation. it all comes down to what you want, its all about you and what you want out of life, no one else has the right to tell you other wise. it seems to me, i could be wrong, but it seems the girl in the relationship has more say in the matter when it comes to kids, whether or not you want to have them and when. hey and its so cool your other half respected what you wanted and never tried to guilt you into having your own, and you have good reason for your decision to.

    so what you after, a boy and girl? or just one kid? i think its like a year waiting list here and a few meetings before you can adopt in Australia. may be different where you live. cheers.

  5. #5
    Junior Member

    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Point Clark Ontario
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    127
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked: 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Country
    Canada

    Default

    Thanks love, and good luck with your kid
    From what I hear, baby poop doesn't smell too badly the first few months, so you'll have time to get used to it=P

    I'd love to adopt a little boy from Afghanistan and a little girl from Poland.
    The waiting list can be quite long though. My parents waited 10 years for my brother, another 6 for me and it was a same-country adoption.=/

    It's also expensive. 10k-50k each with legal fees,travel arrangements etc. and everything.

 

 

Similar Threads

  1. When someone is raised female and the genes say XY (AP)
    By Queen in forum Politics, News & Debate
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 12-09-2009, 10:49 AM
  2. R. Kelly jurors: Female's ID was the key (AP)
    By FinalFantasy in forum The GoTeen.Net Cafe
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 14-06-2008, 01:05 PM
  3. Militants execute female 'US spy'
    By FinalFantasy in forum The GoTeen.Net Cafe
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 11-06-2008, 10:19 PM
  4. Australia to get female G-G
    By r1racer2000 in forum Politics, News & Debate
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 13-04-2008, 04:57 PM
  5. Who is the sexiest female royal?
    By r1racer2000 in forum Cooking & Beverages
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 05-03-2008, 07:00 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
All times are GMT +10. The time now is 04:01 PM.