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Thread: Isolated

  1. #1
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    Default Isolated

    I live on my own, in a city where I know few people despite living here nearly three years, with no family. I have relatives, obviously, but they create an unhealthy and even dangerous atmosphere so I leave them out of my life. My mother was abusive and a lot of the things she did to me still affect me, but slowly It's getting easier.
    I have some difficulty making friends. It's not that I'm socially awkward or that I deliberately avoid people because I dont, I just don't feel comfortable getting personal with people. I'm afraid they'll see that I'm alone and since family is important view me harshly. And I'm some what sensitive and don't enjoy people laughing at me- even if it should be harmless. My co-workers joke about my cooking a lot, and it makes me shrivel inside. I find it easier to just keep the personal things to myself and either lie or talk about trivial topics.

    I like meeting people and having intense conversations about controversial topics, I just don't like feeling inadequate. I didn't get a good education due to my home situation, and so I don't feel like I fit with everyone else.

    My "friends" don't communicate with me outside of Facebook, and even then I have to initiate it. They aren't concerned about me, don't keep up with my life, don't invite me to group events. It hurts a lot. I haven't seen any of them in three months. So I stopped using it altogether. I think the last straw was not being invited to join anyone for the holiday by them or my very distant relatives.

    They know I'm alone, and for every holiday and even my birthday I'm by myself. And I realize how pathetic that is, and they don't have to invite me, but at least acknowledge me? There have been times when they've included me and then I hear nothing more about it, and then when It's come and gone they ask why I didn't come. Well, I asked where it was and when, but no one answered so how would I get there?

    I've been struggling with self harm and suicide since I was 14, and it bothers me that I could hurt myself and no one would know for a long time. Sure, my job would wonder where I'm at, but they wouldnt investigate. I would be terminated and my last check would be mailed. It would take more than a month to find me. My landlord doesn't care if I pay on time or not, and there have been times when I've paid two months late.

    And to make matters worse the guy I'm seeing may still be with his ex. I tried to bring it up last night but I couldn't. It's so pathetic that I would be willing to put up with something that hurtful just so I could have someone to talk to and sleep next to. I would miss him if I didn't have him, and I don't know what's going on and I don't want to know.

    I have no idea what to do anymore. I realize its not other peoples fault that my life turned out this way, but I wish so badly that people would care about me like I do them.

  2. #2
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    Try to make one small change for the positive at a time. You're right. Those people who you call "friends" are not acting like they care about you, so I would try to find other friends. You don't have to dump them all at once. Take baby steps. For example, try to think of something you might like to do as a hobby and join a social group that promotes the hobby. Therefore you have something to connect with and talk to these other people about right off the bat. Additionally, having a hobby and becoming better at something may also help you feel more independent and up your self-esteem.

    Would you miss your ex, or would you miss having a guy to call your boyfriend in your life? Examine your doubts. Are they based off of reality, or do you just have trust issues?

    That's not an unreasonable thing to want. But, you need to care about yourself and have a sense of self-worth before other people feel like there is something worth caring about in you.

  3. #3
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    nice reply above.

    only thing more i could add is, you could go out with your friends to meet new friends then dump'em (your old friends).
    you paid 2 weeks late in rent, wow thats a great landlord, anyone else probably would get kicked out of there homes.
    if your landlord is that laid back, maybe go get your self a pet? my dog is orsm company.
    you will come to realize one day harming your self will not at all benefit you in anyway. you really do need to see/talk to someone about a few issues, it will make you feel better.
    as stated above, get a hobby, join a group, play sport, great way to meet other people, especially having some thing you like in common.
    you also show up as being male in your gender, are you gay? or was that just a mistake in signing up. if your gay theres lots of gay groups and gay clubs, although im not sure of your age either.

    I realize its not other peoples fault that my life turned out this way, but I wish so badly that people would care about me like I do them.
    people have really nice hearts, then theres those with cold hearts, thats just life, we all have to deal with the non caring ones.
    i wouldnt say "its not other peoples fault that my life turned out this way" because you have a big life a head of you still, you dont know whats around the corner waiting for you, you just never know when something good is going to happen. in the end, life could be amazing for you, so hang in there, take on what life throws at you and deal with it, we have to, your not the only one going through this. mate stay strong, dont forget to make that appointment to speak to someone about the self-harming your self stuff. good luck, hope you reply soon

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    Your post here brought tears to my eyes as I read it. Some things you said, I felt them as I read it. Those 2 responses above are some of the best I've seen in advice to someone...I really just want to give u a huge hug!

    Something that wasn't covered above was the workplace stuff u mentioned. See the difference between when your family criticized you and when your work mates have a joke with you. Maybe if you seen the difference and that they're not trying to hurt you, it would make it easier for you. When you have had ppl criticizing you for the majority of your life it would be hard to take a joke about yourself, but laughter really is the best medicine. In fact I bet that if you laughed, real hard that you would finish in tears cos it felt so good.

    Most of us tend to attract in friendships/relationships what we are used to being around. If you come from happy ppl then you will find happy ppl, if you come from abuse, you will find abusive ppl or ppl who don't care for you. We seek out our 'comfortable zone', that is, what we are brought up with. Our comfort zone may be as uncomfortable as hell but it is our comfort zone cos thats all we know how to be a part of. It's just the way it is until you acknowledge it and turn it around, as well as change your outlook on life and ppl. KNOW you deserve good things and they will start to come. We experience things in life and it builds us to be who we will be in our future. The wisdom we take from it all is the most important part, no matter how bad the situation. If u get through this imagine how much help u could be to those like u now, in the future, u have a wealth of knowledge in abuse and the effects of it. I get told 'Life is a game', it's a s**t game sometimes but as u work some parts out it all falls into place by itself before you know it.

    You left your family behind and became more independent of yourself so start using those skills. The hobby is a great start, it doesn't have to be anything expensive, just something u can think of that relaxes or inspires you and go find a group who does it. Support groups can be great too for anything else you want to talk about. Community houses here in Oz have free counselling for those who need it and I hope they do wherever u are too.
    If u fail, try, try again. U have been through so much worse so this should be a piece of cake for u

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    I really, really recommend trying something new. Doing something new will give you the greatest opportunity to meet new people. Take a fitness class or maybe even some college credits to learn a new language or skill! You can search on Craigslist and usually find someone that is truly just looking for a workout buddy or someone to play tennis or even a board game with. I'm so sorry you feel alone, it won't be easy to make a sudden change in your life - but it will be possible. You can't give up on yourself. Take a group cooking class, even if the only person you talk to is the instructor it might just help you that much more. I hope you will try hard to help yourself, I know you can do it.

 

 

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