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Banned
The Ultimate Betrayal
You came into my life when I was twelve years old
I was too young to recognize the lies that you told
I trusted you with my body and let you in my mind
Knowing if I followed you, happiness I’d find
It’s eight years later and I’m still feeling lost
You’re an expensive friend and I’ve paid the cost
My body is worn and my mind is shattered
You let me think a number was the only thing that mattered
But here’s where you were wrong, you didn’t think I’d rebel
You thought I would keep living in this self-created hell
The food lists and the measuring, the scars on my hands
Are all I got in return for following your demands
I’m on the outside looking in because my behaviors exclude me
And despite being thin, happiness eludes me
It’s hard to face the fact that you were never my friend
But instead a parasite, sabotaging me from within
Sucking away my spirit and filling me with shame
As you simplified my life into a sick little game
I’ve sat in this chair crying, asking God to change my fate
Hoping things will change as soon as I get a clean slate
One more run, one more swim, and I’ll finally be okay
But recovery can’t start tomorrow, it has to start today
You have hijacked my mind and pushed me to the brink
And I’m not waiting around to see how far I sink
For the first time in my life I actually hate you
And I refuse to continue to accommodate you
I’m not being lazy so don’t even try your tricks
I’m tired of your games and I’m sick of being sick
I know you won’t just let me be and that I have to fight
But happiness is a privilege, not a right
And I’m willing to do whatever it takes
Because now I know just what you are, a phony and a fake
So goodbye anorexia, don’t even waste your breath
Because I’m ready to be born, and I’m ready for your death
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