My parents" marriage has never been perfect; they have their differences like any other couple. Something like 70% of married couples divorce after having a special needs child and about 80% of married couples divorce after losing a child, and I don't doubt it. Basically, there's a 150% chance of my parents getting a divorce, based on those statistics. I know it's just statistics, based on people who are not my parents, but it's intimidating nonetheless. They started marriage counseling several years ago, after they nearly separated. I remember being maybe 9 years old, I came out of the bathroom into the hallway to see my dad standing in the end nearest the bedrooms, and my mom standing down near the kitchen. She told me that she was going to go stay at grandma's house for a few nights (my grandparents were out of town for the week, or my mom would never have gone near the place), and I could either go with her or stay with dad. My sister chose to go with my mom, she was 4 or 5 at the time, and I remember being just completely torn. I'd always been closer to my mom, but I didn't want to hurt my dad by leaving him alone all weekend. In the end, I chose to go with my mom, and in the car she said, "He loves me but he doesn't like me." I didn't understand really what that meant (after-all, wasn't love an extreme form of like?), but the way she said it made me sad. We ended up going back home later that night, I guess Mom decided she'd overreacted after having some time to think about it, but they still fought a lot. They didn't always know I could hear them, usually I'd be lying in bed trying to fall asleep, and I could hear them talking down the hall. They argued about everything from what was for dinner, to their sex life, and I heard almost every word they said. After I went down there one night and yelled at them to be quiet so I could sleep, they looked into marriage counseling. They learned how to communicate their problems in a healthy way, and how to like each other again, and things got better. They'd go out on dates every few weeks, hold hands in the car (my dad only ever drives with the one hand anyways), it was obvious their relationship was working out again.







They haven't been in counseling for a while now, 2 years-ish I guess, and lately things have been going south again. My mom is stressed out from work (teaching's stressful as it is, but with the state budget cuts and her BTSA work (new teachers go through a program called BTSA during their first two years, which involves a lot of classes, a lot of work, and a lot of time teaching with a supervisor in the room taking notes. Her BTSA binder is 5 inches thick, and it's stuffed to the brim), she's often worn out when she gets home), and so is Dad (he's still working two jobs, part-time for someone else and full-time running his own business). Mom gets annoyed because he's always either working, or out riding his bike (his Saturday morning ride is often 4 hours long, and he takes a one hour ride a few times during the week), so he doesn't have time to do necessary repairs around the house. She can't do the repairs because he's very particular and won't hire someone because it costs money. He tends to feel like he's being attacked when she mentions it, and it is absolutely no fun to listen to them bickering.







Today, we ran some errands. My dad has a long stride, and he walks pretty fast most of the time. Sometimes I find myself nearly jogging to keep up when we're just walking through the parking lot. My mom gets annoyed, because when we all go out together, he's often way ahead of us, walking by himself. She said to me today, while he was 15 feet ahead of us in the Costco parking lot, "I hope you marry a man who will walk proudly beside you, even hold your hand," and I realized she didn't think it was ever going to happen for her. She's especially upset because tomorrow is Mother's Day, which is a very hard day for her, and by walking away it was as if he couldn't be bothered to be supportive when he knows she feels like shit. This evening, I heard them arguing again, and my mom was expressing her feelings about it all. She said it feels like a slap in the face, as if she's not deserving of his presence, he can't even slow down a little bit to walk near her, and that when we go out, a passerby probably wouldn't even think we were a family because of how far away he gets. He got defensive and was saying that that's just his pace, it's how he walks, why can't she speed up? This is all fairly normal conversation, but then she said, "Well, soon it's going to be either your pace or your wife."







I'm a little scared. I don't want them to break up, but I also want them to be happy. I think I'm going to say something to my mom. Not tomorrow, she deserves a happy day tomorrow, but within the next week. Ask how things are going and, if need be, bring up the topic of them going back to see Charlene (their counselor). Even so, I'm worried. If I asked my mom right now, if she thought she and my dad would stay married forever, I don't think she'd be able to answer me. Sometimes they get along, but more and more lately they don't, and I'm not sure how to deal with that.







Anyone else have fighting parents? How do you deal?