Sex fun

[Lil_miss_blue_eyes]

What men do after sex?

2% eat; 3% smoke cigarettes; 4% take a shower; 5% go to sleep and 86% get up and go back home to their wives.



AGES OF VAGINA:



16 TO 19 BRAND NEW.

20 TO 28 SLIGHTLY USED

29 TO 36 SECOND HAND

37 TO 45 SUBJECT TO REPAIR

46 TO 55 FOR LUBRICATION

56 TO 60 TOTAL WRECK

61 TO 70 CLOSED FOR RENOVATION!!!!!!!





===================================



Why is your penis better than a credit card?



(a) Once spent it recharges itself.

(b) It is accepted worldwide.

(c) You can let your wife use it as much as she wants.



===================================



LITTLE GIRL: Mommy, I just found out that our

neighbour's son has a penis like a peanut!

MUM: You mean it's small?

LITTLE GIRL: No it's salty!!!



===================================



A couple recently married was happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the hole, and she was happy with the thing.



===================================



A man was carrying 3 babies in a train.

The lady sitting next to him asked: Are they your babies?



MAN: No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer COMPLAINTS.



===================================



Women top 5 lies: from the whitest down



5. I am a virgin.

4. It is so big.

3. I can't do that to my best friend.

2. I won't gain weight after marriage

1. I am coming! I am coming!!!



===================================



A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says: You want to play magic. She says: What is that? He says: We go Home, screw, and then you disappear.



===================================



What is the closest thing to a woman's period?



Your SALARY... It comes once a month, lasts 4 or 5 days, and if it doesn't come, you are F*CKED!!!



===================================



Teacher asked: Which part of the body goes to heaven first?



A Kid replied : The legs...because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING".



===================================



Teacher: Why did you bring your cat to school?



Pupil : Because I heard my sister's boyfriend say, "TONIGHT I WILL EAT YOUR *****".



===================================



What's the difference between a panty and a stage curtain?



Answer : When you pull down the stage curtain, show is over, but when you pull down thePANTY... IT'S SHOWTIME.



===================================



===================================



MUM: Didn't I tell you if a stranger touches your breast say "DON'T". And if he touches your ***** say STOP!



GIRL : But mum, he touched both, so I told him DON'T STOP!!!!"



===================================



GIRLS REACTION TO PENIS SIZES



9 INCHES - Oh Shit, pain!!

7 INCHES - Oh, I'm in heaven

6 INCHES - OH PERFECT

5 INCHES - UMMMM OK

4 INCHES - PUSH MORE

3 INCHES - IS THAT IN???

2 INCHES - IDIOT!! JUST USE YOUR TONGUE!!!

[BoYkA]

lol all good :BeerSong:

3% smoke cigarettes

i must be in the 3%