so confused..

[penny340]

This year I moved away to college and am having some trouble communicating with my best friend back home, who I may or may not be in love with.

Heres the story..

I met my best friend about two years ago and we have been inceperable every since, and by inceperable i mean we spend every waking minute together and I can't even remember the last day we spent apart before I left. People automatically assume we are in a relationship when we are seen together and he is quick to correct them although people insist we are denying our feelings for eachother.I can't help but think he is embarrassed when people think I'm his girlfriend. After all he is fit and beautiful and has everything going for him while I am pretty average.

We have had the discussion more than a couple time of whether or not we are in love. We've come to the conslusion we are not but could be some day.. whatever that means. I don't want to be in a relationship with him right now but i get jealous when he hooks up with other girls or even texts them. We do little things like cuddle and hold hands all the time and we have hooked up quite a few times, but everytime something happens he insist it doesnt happen again and no one know about it.

Since I've been at school he seems to be pulling away from me. Its not rare for him not to respond to my texts or answer my calls and sometimes we could go days or even over a week without speaking. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but when you go from being with someone every second of everyday to hardly speaking the loss is hard to handle. When he discussed it, although he was under the influence, he said it was just too hard for him to talk to me all the time because it hurts him too much. He even went on to say there is an empty spot inside of him when he isn't with me. I find all this hard to believe because I want nothing more than to talk with him and have him invlolved in my new life.

Im back at school and the feelings of lonliness are back. I feel so disconected here in this new place, and the last thing I want is to feel disconnected from the person I'm closest to. I miss him so much it hurts but he just doesnt seem to feel the same way considering he doesnt seem interested in speaking to me. I wish he could understand how much he was hurting me but last time I tried to talk to him about it he told me he needed to take a break from me to think about things so im nervous to bring it up again because I can't go through that again.

Any advice or guidance would be greatly apprecated. I'm just so confused and I could really use any help getting through this. Thanks for even reading this.. I know it was really long.. i just had to get it out

[Parker]

This year I moved away to college and am having some trouble communicating with my best friend back home, who I may or may not be in love with.

Heres the story..

Any advice or guidance would be greatly apprecated. I'm just so confused and I could really use any help getting through this. Thanks for even reading this.. I know it was really long.. i just had to get it out

It's a long troubled story but I read the whole lot.

I met my best friend about two years ago and we have been inceperable every since, and by inceperable i mean we spend every waking minute together and I can't even remember the last day we spent apart before I left. People automatically assume we are in a relationship when we are seen together and he is quick to correct them although people insist we are denying our feelings for eachother.I can't help but think he is embarrassed when people think I'm his girlfriend. After all he is fit and beautiful and has everything going for him while I am pretty average.

Who are the people who saw you two together? Friends or your family?

We have had the discussion more than a couple time of whether or not we are in love. We've come to the conslusion we are not but could be some day.. whatever that means. I don't want to be in a relationship with him right now but i get jealous when he hooks up with other girls or even texts them. We do little things like cuddle and hold hands all the time and we have hooked up quite a few times, but everytime something happens he insist it doesnt happen again and no one know about it.

I don't follow this "but everytime something happens", it's quite vague so I can't comment.

Since I've been at school he seems to be pulling away from me. Its not rare for him not to respond to my texts or answer my calls and sometimes we could go days or even over a week without speaking. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but when you go from being with someone every second of everyday to hardly speaking the loss is hard to handle. When he discussed it, although he was under the influence, he said it was just too hard for him to talk to me all the time because it hurts him too much. He even went on to say there is an empty spot inside of him when he isn't with me. I find all this hard to believe because I want nothing more than to talk with him and have him invlolved in my new life.

Under the influence? You talk to him while he is drunk or high on drugs then you can't take that as a conversation to influence your decisions.

Im back at school and the feelings of lonliness are back. I feel so disconected here in this new place, and the last thing I want is to feel disconnected from the person I'm closest to. I miss him so much it hurts but he just doesnt seem to feel the same way considering he doesnt seem interested in speaking to me. I wish he could understand how much he was hurting me but last time I tried to talk to him about it he told me he needed to take a break from me to think about things so im nervous to bring it up again because I can't go through that again.

I think you should get more independent in any way possible. You have a new life at collage now and so many new friends to meet. Why don't you get rid of that emotional burden and enjoy new opportunities.

[Perlustration]

He sounds like he's been using you, but occasionally feels guilty about it, but then goes back to thinking "yeah, I really don't want to be with this chick" as soon as he starts thinking from a more selfish standpoint again.

Just my take on it.

I'd say, don't talk to him. Let him contact you, and for God's sake, get a life that does not revolve around him. Guys don't like to be mooned over or made into the sounding board for all your "emotions." It makes them uncomfortable.

[Parker]

I don't reckon she's been used by him and I'd like to listen to my girlfriend, if I had one, about all her emotions and problems.


So you clearly don't understand men.

[BoYkA]

good start of writing this thread to get it all off your chest. im pretty sure you would have thought about the fact you guys were not in a relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend (a couple). there for in a friendship both of you is allowed to basically do what you want when you are not hanging out. one thing about having a best friend of the opposite s3x is at some point one lets go and moves on later down the track. im not saying it doesnt happen to everyone, but most of the time one or the other end up liking someone else and the new girlfriend doesnt like the fact the guy is hanging out with another girl, specially if the new girlfriend gets told the history of you too in the past. im not saying he has found a girlfriend but it does seem like he has moved on for some reason which half the time you never find out the real reason on why he has chosen to go down another track and now basically avoiding you. seems most of the time best friends with the opposite s3x do not turn out in the long run, something always seems to change, one moves on or the other, or both find their self growing apart, both end up in a relationship and the friendship dies. i had a best friend girl for years, we really loved each other as friends and would basically do anything for each other. we did everything together just like you too. she would come to my nan and pops for christmas every year and we were both apart of each others family. and yes just like you too we got jealous when the other talked to someone else. but then all of a sudden, well not strait away, we started not seeing each other as much anymore. it ended up like once a month, then suddenly we found our self in a relationship with another person. after that we lost contact and never seen each other ever again. what im kinda getting at is one or the other moves on and i think she did first. it really sucks because you really do miss them after their gone, but deep inside you know your self, you need to move on and except the fact they are gone from your life. its been years since and sometimes she comes to mind and i wonder what shes up to today, or wonder where she moved to etc. i know the feeling of hard to let it go, like you were best friends and at the time you can relate and say anything you want to a best friend, more to a best friend than your own girlfriend/boyfriend. i really miss that, and you will to, but if he has chose to let the friendship go then move on, its hard but look forward in life, look for new things, new friends, go with the flow of life and do your best to forget about him, trying to forget about him will not happen over night. it can take years, meaning you will get over him pretty quicker than you think, but still in the future, he will come to mind now and then even though at that point you will be settled down with a boyfriend. i'd also say in the situation you are now, let him come to you, if he wants to be more than a friend he will come back, but what you have stated above, dont sound like his coming back, so mate, move on and dont down your self by calling your self average, everyone is beautiful in some way. and dont let missing him hold you back from new opportunities. hey, i cant predict the future, but best of luck in your new life, i hope things turn out great for you, be strong

[Perlustration]

I don't reckon she's been used by him and I'd like to listen to my girlfriend, if I had one, about all her emotions and problems.


So you clearly don't understand men.

They are not girlfriend and boyfriend. She made that clear, so I was addressing my comments (relevantly) to her situation by referring to a particular section of guys (i.e. ones that are not her significant other and therefore are not semi-obligated to listen to her whine), unlike some people...

Keywords: If; You; Had; One

[Parker]

They are not girlfriend and boyfriend. She made that clear, so I was addressing my comments (relevantly) to her situation by referring to a particular section of guys (i.e. ones that are not her significant other and therefore are not semi-obligated to listen to her whine), unlike some people...

Keywords: If; You; Had; One

You're sort of there.

I want to expand on my previous comment and say I'd listen to my friends as well not only girlfriends if they were in trouble... including you too.

Ever heard friend in need friend indeed, smarty?

[Parker]

good start of writing this thread to get it all off your chest. im pretty sure you would have thought about the fact you guys were not in a relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend (a couple). there for in a friendship both of you is allowed to basically do what you want when you are not hanging out. one thing about having a best friend of the opposite s3x is at some point one lets go and moves on later down the track. im not saying it doesnt happen to everyone, but most of the time one or the other end up liking someone else and the new girlfriend doesnt like the fact the guy is hanging out with another girl, specially if the new girlfriend gets told the history of you too in the past. im not saying he has found a girlfriend but it does seem like he has moved on for some reason which half the time you never find out the real reason on why he has chosen to go down another track and now basically avoiding you.

It could happen. Shit happens. But I would be totally stuffed up if my best friend of any sex avoided me. That would be unprecedented betrayal of friendship.

seems most of the time best friends with the opposite s3x do not turn out in the long run, something always seems to change, one moves on or the other, or both find their self growing apart, both end up in a relationship and the friendship dies. i had a best friend girl for years, we really loved each other as friends and would basically do anything for each other. we did everything together just like you too. she would come to my nan and pops for christmas every year and we were both apart of each others family. and yes just like you too we got jealous when the other talked to someone else. but then all of a sudden, well not strait away, we started not seeing each other as much anymore. it ended up like once a month, then suddenly we found our self in a relationship with another person. after that we lost contact and never seen each other ever again.what im kinda getting at is one or the other moves on and i think she did first. it really sucks because you really do miss them after their gone, but deep inside you know your self, you need to move on and except the fact they are gone from your life. its been years since and sometimes she comes to mind and i wonder what shes up to today, or wonder where she moved to etc.

That's a sad story. Maybe she waited on you to make the first move.

i know the feeling of hard to let it go, like you were best friends and at the time you can relate and say anything you want to a best friend, more to a best friend than your own girlfriend/boyfriend. i really miss that, and you will to, but if he has chose to let the friendship go then move on, its hard but look forward in life, look for new things, new friends, go with the flow of life and do your best to forget about him, trying to forget about him will not happen over night. it can take years, meaning you will get over him pretty quicker than you think, but still in the future, he will come to mind now and then even though at that point you will be settled down with a boyfriend. i'd also say in the situation you are now, let him come to you, if he wants to be more than a friend he will come back, but what you have stated above, dont sound like his coming back, so mate, move on and dont down your self by calling your self average, everyone is beautiful in some way. and dont let missing him hold you back from new opportunities. hey, i cant predict the future, but best of luck in your new life, i hope things turn out great for you, be strong

I'd also add that she saves her emo suffering of not knowing his feelings by openly asking him to be her boyfriend with the short answers like "Yes" or "No".

If it is "No" then she'd get crazy at him and walk away threatening him to say everything to his next girlfriend.

[Perlustration]

You're sort of there.

I want to expand on my previous comment and say I'd listen to my friends as well not only girlfriends if they were in trouble... including you too.

Ever heard friend in need friend indeed, smarty?

Thanks for expanding. That makes you sound less like a contrary howler monkey.

Nope.